Conquering the Narrows
By Ernie Witham   |   January 24, 2019

Occasionally, I find myself in a position that seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight could have used a bit more forethought. For some reason these positions often involve water. Like the time I decided to jump off a roof and into Lake Winnipesaukee at Weirs Beach in Laconia, New Hampshire […]

Utah, Land of the Gasp
By Ernie Witham   |   January 10, 2019

I love a good excuse. “Why can’t you go to the store?” “Be-cause-ah, dear, my bad front tire could blow and sound like a gunshot. Then the police would show up and I could get arrested for creating a disturbance and be put in a damp jail cell where I could catch pneumonia and die.” […]

Just Another Day in Bavaria
By Ernie Witham   |   December 6, 2018

Brunhilda did not like our diversion, “Make a u-turn, Dummkopf!! A u-turn.” German GPS units can be quite touchy. We were on our way to Linderhof in the Bavarian countryside to see one of King Ludwig II’s many palaces. Ludwig was known as der Märchenkönig – the Fairy Tale King. He also held the titles […]

The Ups and Downs of Hamburg
By Ernie Witham   |   November 15, 2018

“Pretty sure I’m never going to get there, but if I do, I think this is what heaven will be like.” I looked over at my wife. She was shading her eyes and squinting. “Amen,” she said. We woke to streaming sun in our Hamburg, Germany, exchange home. Because it was mid-July and we were […]

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet Train
By Ernie Witham   |   July 21, 2018

Every now and then (daily), a little voice in my head says: “Oh-oh, dude…”  This time we were on the Shinkansen, the 200-mile-per-hour Japanese bullet train that is so smooth you could probably give yourself an intricate tattoo without risk of injury. “Ow!” “What are you doing?” Pat asked. I pulled the tip of the […]

Cleanliness is Next to Buddha-ness
By Ernie Witham   |   May 17, 2018

“Are you chewing gum?!” Pat asked. “Hai!” I said, using one of the many (three) Japanese words I knew. We were standing next to The Great Buddha of Kamakura “Daibutsu”, the largest outdoor Buddha in Japan. Built in 1252, the 44-foot-tall, 121-ton seated Buddha draws more tourists than the world’s largest ball of saved wire […]

Spring is in the Air, Along with Other Stuff
By Ernie Witham   |   April 5, 2018

I’m not sure how my bonsai trees talked me into it, but recently I spent $12.49 on something called Fish & Poop. Manufactured in Fresno, the city famous for its tasty raisins, Fish & Poop is listed as “a blend of fish-based nutrients and guano which forms a synergistic matrix that develops a cohesive partnership […]

I Can See Kinda Clearly Now…
By Ernie Witham   |   March 15, 2018

“Have you seen my glasses?” “Unbelievable. You’re always losing them!”  It’s true. I have three pair and some days I can’t find any of them. “Here they are,” Pat said, returning from the back patio. “Those are my reading glasses. I need my distance glasses if I have to go… I mean, because I want […]

Using My Teaching Skills
By Ernie Witham   |   March 1, 2018

I love kids. And fortunately, they seem to like me okay, too. Which is good, because between my wife, Pat and I, we have five children, four grandchildren and one granddog that I love teaching new tricks. “Roll over, no? Sit, no? Shake, no? How about lay there like a lump? Yeah!” And now, I […]

Happy Super Bowl to You!
By Ernie Witham   |   February 8, 2018

I love my wife more than I love football. I just want to make that perfectly clear. I also love the family more than I love football. Another point you need to understand. Finally, I love family events, such as birthday parties, specifically my wife Pat‘s birthday party, more than I love football. That almost […]