An Apple Computer a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
By Ernie Witham   |   July 16, 2020

Per instructions, I moved my face really close to my computer monitor. “Look into my eyes,” the doctor said. Was she going to hypnotize me? Make me cluck like a chicken? “I just want to watch your eye movements to rule out a few things.” “I can roll them around in a circle. Watch.” “Ah, […]

Happy B-Day/V-Day… I Pray
By Ernie Witham   |   March 5, 2020

After about a decade of marriage, I came to the realization that my wife has a birthday every year. That was also about the time she told me that I had given her the same humorous birthday card four of those years in a row. She also showed me the three “unique” heart necklaces with […]

 

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Road Trip, Hawaiian Style
By Ernie Witham   |   February 27, 2020

My wife hesitated at a puddle of unknown depth at the former Kahuku Sugar Mill parking lot, which is now a series of small restaurants and food trucks that cater mainly to the surfing crowd at North Shore on Oahu. “This thing could cross a raging river,” I said. “The rental company might charge us […]

The Route of my Roots
By Ernie Witham   |   February 6, 2020

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the route of my roots. Not the many weird routes I have taken in life to get from my New Hampshire roots to where I am rooted today. I don’t have a lot of regretful “routes not taken.” I think I stumbled about amazingly. “I’m in California? Really? […]

Lessons in Lifelong Learning
By Ernie Witham   |   January 30, 2020

After six years of high school, I figured there was nothing else to learn. (Just kidding… it only took me five years to graduate.) But I was wrong. Soon I got a job and found I needed new skills. “So, I won’t be needing Algebra or English Lit?” “No, and you probably won’t need your […]

The Evolution of My Resolutions
By Ernie Witham   |   January 9, 2020

I made my first New Year’s resolution when I was five years old. I promised myself that if I passed kindergarten I would try much harder in first grade. I knew I was flunking nap because I was worried once I dozed off that Tommy kid with the devious freckles would crayon my cheeks red […]

Having a Holly Jolly Time?
By Ernie Witham   |   December 26, 2019

I looked over my shoulder at the car behind me to see if he would kindly backup. The driver of that car was looking over his shoulder at the car behind him with the same thought. The third driver back started to reverse but stopped when another car pulled in behind him. Ahead of us […]

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Screaming While Streaming
By Ernie Witham   |   December 8, 2019

I pressed the microphone icon on the Apple TV remote and said with emphasis: “Siri. Turn. Off. Voiceover.” Siri responded in text on the screen: “Voiceover is already off.” I chuckled. “I can still hear it Siri. Listen.” I pressed play and the detective series Bosch came on. There was a bit of clever dialog […]

Having a White Whale of a Time in Tuscany
By Ernie Witham   |   October 3, 2019

I’ve learned a few things over the years traveling with my wife. For one thing, she never packs enough socks. “Are those my Wednesday socks? I packed a pair for each day and now I’ll be a pair short!” “We got married in California. It’s a community state. Your socks are my socks.” “Oh yeah, […]

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Beautiful London Fog
By Ernie Witham   |   October 1, 2019

I’ve spent a good part of my life in a fog. In my brief stint as a Hippie, the fog was often associated with the inhalation of marijuana or as we referred to it then – grass. Sometimes I think it actually was grass we purchased. “Is that a dandelion?” “Might be. You feel anything […]

Buonasera!… again… and again…
By Ernie Witham   |   September 19, 2019

Turn right,” Jeeves, our Garmin GPS told us. Right would have taken us over the cliff. “Jeeves is lost,” I said.  “Swell,” Pat, who was driving, said. We were trying to get back to the tiny Tuscan village of Castiglione d’Orcia where we were renting an Airbnb just inside the Porta, the entrance into the […]

The Wilds of the Inland Passageway
By Ernie Witham   |   September 12, 2019

Cold?” Jackie pointed at the overhead heaters in the solarium ceiling on the back of the Alaskan ferry, Columbia. “With those things on the other night I felt like a French fry.” We had met Jackie earlier at breakfast. It was so crowded we had to sit at the counter. A young construction guy beside […]

A Whale of a Time
By Ernie Witham   |   August 29, 2019

I was watching an extremely large man from one of the five (yes, five) cruise ships that were in port in Juneau, Alaska. The man was having trouble fitting through the door on a floatplane and two young workers were using their shoulders to gently aid his boarding. The man was wearing black shorts that […]

Ravens, Eagles, Totems, and Salmon Spit
By Ernie Witham   |   August 1, 2019

“Nice bracelet,” Pat said to the Native bus driver. “My cousin made it. For my moiety. I am an eagle. My wife is a raven.” “My wife is a Sheppard,” I said. “Sometimes that makes me feel sheepish.” He did not laugh. Neither did my wife. Or anyone else on the bus. He went on […]

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