The Route of my Roots
By Ernie Witham   |   February 6, 2020

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the route of my roots. Not the many weird routes I have taken in life to get from my New Hampshire roots to where I am rooted today. I don’t have a lot of regretful “routes not taken.” I think I stumbled about amazingly. “I’m in California? Really? […]

Screaming While Streaming
By Ernie Witham   |   December 8, 2019

I pressed the microphone icon on the Apple TV remote and said with emphasis: “Siri. Turn. Off. Voiceover.” Siri responded in text on the screen: “Voiceover is already off.” I chuckled. “I can still hear it Siri. Listen.” I pressed play and the detective series Bosch came on. There was a bit of clever dialog […]

 

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Love, love me do. Pleeaassee!
By Ernie Witham   |   November 26, 2019

“How was your experience in men’s underwear?” The email asked. “Were you a) delighted with your purchase b) kind of giddy c) blasé d) not so giddy or e) totally disenfranchised? Your immediate response is requested.” This was about the tenth follow-up I had received from recent shopping excursions. Seems like every time I buy […]

Day of the Living Museum
By Ernie Witham   |   November 14, 2019

The man was using a hatchet to make a spoon out of a log. “That’s the way it used to be done,” he told us. “People needed things to do indoors when it was cold and damp.” I zipped up my raincoat. “That’s why we have Netflix.” We were visiting the Weald and Downland Living […]

Walk, Don’t Hop
By Ernie Witham   |   October 17, 2019

(Read more humorous adventures in Ernie’s travel book: “Where are Pat and Ernie Now?” available at Chaucer’s.) I’m always suspicious of someone trying to sell me something. Which is odd because I used to be in retail.  “I’m not sure I need the latest Kodak Instamatic 60.” “Comes with a free flash cube.” “I’ll take […]

Having a White Whale of a Time in Tuscany
By Ernie Witham   |   October 3, 2019

I’ve learned a few things over the years traveling with my wife. For one thing, she never packs enough socks. “Are those my Wednesday socks? I packed a pair for each day and now I’ll be a pair short!” “We got married in California. It’s a community state. Your socks are my socks.” “Oh yeah, […]

Beautiful London Fog
By Ernie Witham   |   October 1, 2019

I’ve spent a good part of my life in a fog. In my brief stint as a Hippie, the fog was often associated with the inhalation of marijuana or as we referred to it then – grass. Sometimes I think it actually was grass we purchased. “Is that a dandelion?” “Might be. You feel anything […]

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Buonasera!… again… and again…
By Ernie Witham   |   September 19, 2019

Turn right,” Jeeves, our Garmin GPS told us. Right would have taken us over the cliff. “Jeeves is lost,” I said.  “Swell,” Pat, who was driving, said. We were trying to get back to the tiny Tuscan village of Castiglione d’Orcia where we were renting an Airbnb just inside the Porta, the entrance into the […]

Salmon, Fjords, and Bears, Oh My!
By Ernie Witham   |   July 18, 2019

Did you ever eat at a restaurant where your breakfast came so fast you barely had time to unwrap your utensils? Well, it wasn’t in Ketchikan, Alaska! I was on my eighth coffee refill, babbling on about the anxieties of airline travel, like when you get to your gate and they announce your airplane is […]

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More TV Or Not More TV: That is the Question
By Ernie Witham   |   June 20, 2019

We don’t watch much TV, so we have a bare-bones cable package. We get the basic networks, some Spanish-speaking soap operas that involve a lot of yelling and scantily-clad women, and about 16 shopping channels all with excited people that probably “just barely” failed their screen tests for action shows, but who now dramatically sell […]

The Evolution of Chatting
By Ernie Witham   |   June 6, 2019

Used to be that a chat was something you had over the backyard fence with your neighbor: “And then she said… and then he said… then they said…”  Or maybe someone you ran into at the A&P: “Wow, that’s a lot of beer. Having the Elks Club over?”   Or maybe with your new girlfriend’s […]

Workout Blues
By Ernie Witham   |   May 23, 2019

Recently, I was describing my gym experience to some friends. “You go to the gym?”“On a regular basis.”“Really? Then you must be doing sit-downs instead of sit-ups.”“Do people get upset when you hog the five-pound weights?”“Who wakes you up when you fall asleep on the exercise mat?” It was about then I began to regret […]

Technological Advances?
By Ernie Witham   |   May 9, 2019

In the past, before technology invaded every aspect of our lives, you sometimes you got a lot of “personality” at the check-out stand.  “Well how are you today? My sciatica is acting up. Not easy standing here all day. My new daughter-in-law has a desk job. Makes more money in a week than I make […]

The Aunts Go Marching Two by Two…
By Ernie Witham   |   March 28, 2019

Where I come from my parents’ female siblings were my aunts. Pronounced ahnt, not ant. So, when I first moved here and someone told me her ant just got a new car, I laughed. And when another person told me his ant just moved into a retirement home, I really busted up. But when a […]

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