Tag archives: funny
Someone asked me in my humor workshop once, what attributes are needed to come up with columns on a regular basis. I told them it helps to be a klutz, because pain plus time plus distance equals humor. I also told them it really pays to have insurance. Another great thing about being uncoordinated, I […]
The sign said “Old Faithful” with an arrow pointing straight ahead toward a surreal, steamy landscape with benches where hundreds of people waited. Pat, my “faithful wife” said: “I’ll just jump out here and save you a seat.” By the time I found a parking spot and hiked back she said: “You missed it.” We’d […]
It was raining hard for our first-ever Grand Teton paddle boat ride down the Snake River. “Put on your safety vests,” Guide Steve told us. “If you fall in, remember: nose and toes up. If you try to stand, your feet could get stuck between rocks and you’ll drown. Had a photographer recently, following the […]
You’re the top, you’re Mahatma Gandhi. You’re the top, you’re Napoleon Brandy. You’re the purple light of a summer night in Spain. You’re the National Gallery, you’re Garbo’s salary. You’re cellophane. Cole Porter’s famous lyric was surely written about the human race. Yeah, we’re the top! [cut to outdoor shot – two strangers on Coast […]
About a hundred years ago – or so it seems – I worked. Oops, put the period in there too soon. I meant… I worked in manufacturing making knitting needles in Laconia, New Hampshire. It was a darn good job. You’re probably picturing large needles used for making baby blankets for that new niece, and […]
Throngs of people, er, dozens of people, er, okay one person in my humor workshop once asked me what skills it takes to be a humor writer. I leaned back and thought a while. “Excuse me, are you sleeping?” “Huh? Oh, ah, no, of course not, ha-ha, it’s one of the skills required for all […]
Our glowering POTUS has wrecked all our excited rumormongering with the usual blunt force. Isn’t it in the interest of a benevolent despot to keep his cards close to the vest? Promulgate an air of mystery? I suppose after all these years of having been enslaved by the deep state we should be grateful for […]
Okay, my version probably won’t do well on the hip-hop music charts, but I think it will resonate with some readers on the hip-lumbar charts. It all started one morning at breakfast when my wife said: “My back is killing me.” Being a sympathetic guy, I suggested she call the police and report a sacroiliac […]
There are days when the most exciting things my wife and I do are Wordle… “Got it in four.” Ha! I got it in three.” Well, just wait until tomorrow.” Dispense boxes of cereal into their new “ant-proof” plastic vaults… “Raisin Bran done.” “Check.” “Special K done.” “Check.” “Cheerios… ah, dang. Broom.” “Check.” And maybe […]
When I first moved to California, I met a bunch of friendly people my own age who lovingly indoctrinated me into local customs. “Welcome to Santa Barbara. Let’s do some shots. Now, lick the salt off your hand, down this tequila, suck a lime, and say ‘hootah.’” Gasp. “Hootah!” Gasp. Turns out, these ancient local […]
That surely can’t be it I thought, as we walked across the tarmac toward a Volkswagen Beetle on skis with a long purple tail and a spinning propeller on top! Oh, and NO doors! I looked at Pat. She was zipping up her sweatshirt and adjusting the flotation device strapped around her waist… “We will […]
Brian Regan has been doing comedy for decades, dating back to The Tonight Show in the last month of Johnny Carson’s tenure (when he “got the couch” as they used to say) to regular appearances with Jimmy Fallon. He’s put out several popular albums, made eight stand-up specials for major streamers and, most recently, co-starred […]
Many times in life I have gone virtually unnoticed. Not only could I stay safely under the radar, I could have set up camp inside a radar dish and only gotten spotted when I fired up my charcoal grill. “O. M. G. There’s a flaming meteor about to hit earth… ah crap, never mind it’s […]
The Marjorie Luke Theatre is marking its 20th anniversary this year, and the celebration launches February 3 with a visit from a humorist and writer whose current job can boast even more longevity. Peter Sagal has been hosting the weekly NPR News quiz show Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! almost since its inception a quarter-century ago, […]
The current local comedy cavalcade continues this week at the Arlington, leaving behind the Lobero in favor of the much larger venue, where Kevin Hart, one of the most popular stand-up comedians on the touring circuit, will perform on January 27. Hart has appeared in dozens of films and TV shows, receiving two Primetime Emmys […]
There is a wonderful expression you can use when you feel a friend is asking for an unwarranted amount of help from you: “WHAT DID YOUR LAST SERVANT DIE OF?” Unhappily, this humorous form of complaint was based on the true fact that at one time, a large portion of the population made their living […]
In the mental economics of our species, there is a slow but steady demand for Information – but the market for Ignorance has become increasingly busy. The plain fact is that most people do not want the Truth. Why? Because it’s too inaccessible, too incomprehensible, and too likely to be unpleasant. Of course, you and […]
It used to be called “worry” or “anxiety.” Now, I gather, the fashionable term is “stress” – and I seem to have lately been gathering plenty of it. But what is there really in life worth having such feelings about? It’s all in the mind, I think. That’s what keeps psychiatrists in business. Those professional […]
The driverless Metro flew into the station and stopped on a euro. The doors opened. There were so many Parisians crammed into the front car, I thought it might have been an AI-generated crowd image. Trois got off. Dix got on. Including moi. Yeah! But not my wife. Oh-oh! She mouthed, “See you at Saint-Sulpice.” […]
“Wow, what a view, huh?” my wife said. “Nice,” I said, leaning against the wall as far away from the tall glass panels that slanted outward at a disturbing angle and had a gap on either side large enough to put your arm through. A family walked by, a little kid climbed up onto the […]
