The Little Things in Life

We were about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. Like Polynesian voyagers hundreds of years ago, using crude navigational methods like following flocks of tired, hungry birds… Hoe maui, kore matau, kahore maui (“paddle left, no right, no left” in Maori”)… we were heading for the last large habitable landmass, New Zealand (not counting Iceland, of course, which could soon see a new Trump Tower. “I meant to say Greenland!”). 

First, though, we had to navigate LAX by following masses of people using their own crude navigational tools like early iPhones… (“Turn left, no right, no left!”) in search of their check-in desks.

We found ours, and except for a minor glitch in that Pat forgot to put junior after my name on our reservations (which is required, even though I’m older now than some of those early Polynesians), we made it to TSA. 

Pat, who looks totally trustworthy, made it right on through, but TSA stopped me and made me take off my hoodie. I struggled with the tight-fitting garment, which made my undershirt come practically off as well so that I flashed everyone in line with my pale non-Ahnold-like torso. “Look away kids or you’ll go blind!” 

I finally made it through the scanner and met up with Pat. “What was that all about?” she asked. “Huh?” That’s when I realized when I took my sweatshirt off, I lost my hearing aid! I figured it must be on the floor somewhere and probably stepped on. I told security who did the TSA shrug, except one guy who looked all around, shaking his head sadly until he said, “Wait, is that it?” And there it was in the corner of a large gray tray all by itself, like early New Zealand in the vast Pacific.

The second day of our journey we found some more little things in life – Hobbit Holes. Hobbiton, built by Peter Jackson for the Lord of the Rings (LOTR) movies, is built into a hillside on a remote sheep ranch. Jackson found the spot while flying around in a helicopter. He needed a spot with little to no traffic or noise. Now huge tour buses leave the starting point every 10 minutes with dozens of fans. Our guide pointed out some of the clever filming tricks they used in construction, like the fact that some of the hobbit holes had really small doors. This was to make Gandalf look tall compared to the Hobbits. There were other holes that had large doors to make the Hobbits look small. Pat and I had our photo taken at one of the large holes, overlooking the Green Dragon Inn, where we would get a free ale at the end of the tour. “I’m going to ask for a Gandalf-sized one.”

Our guide asked LOTR trivia questions. Being an expert of movie lore, I quickly shouted out the answers. “In what age is the Lord of the Rings set?” “Ooh ooh ooh, the stone age!” “Ah no, it’s the Third Age.” “What type of bread did Sam and Frodo eat on their journey?” “Ooh ooh ooh, gluten-free!” “Seriously? No. It’s Lembas.” 

The next little thing we got to see were Kiwis. Not the fruit, the birds. Kiwis are the national bird, but there aren’t many left. Before people, they had no natural predators, so kiwis never learned to fly, making them easy game. “E mama, te kiwi ano I tenei po?” (“Oh mom, kiwi again tonight?”)

We got to see some at a kiwi hatchery. Sorta. “You see anything?” Kiwis are nocturnal, so the display area is really dark so they think it’s nighttime. “Something moved.” “That may have been me. I dropped my sunglasses.” “Sunglasses? No wonder you can’t see anything.”

Our final little adventure happened in Akaroa Harbor on the South Island where we were in search of Hector’s dolphins (they don’t belong to Hector, that’s just their name). Less than five feet long, weighing the same as a Super Cuca’s burrito, they are the smallest dolphins in the world. They’re fast but barely break the surface. Apparently they never learned to fly either. 

After all these adventures, we were hungry, so Pat suggested, what else, a little lunch. Kiwi anyone? (This time the fruit… please don’t eat the birds.)