Always

One of Irving Berlin’s best-known songs begins with the words:

“I’ll be loving you, always.”

And it goes on to assure the “you” to whom it’s addressed, that this is really a very special pledge, with no terminal date. It’s “not for just an hour, not for just a day, not for just a year – but always.”

That goes one better than the traditional marriage vows, under which the people getting married make a commitment only “until death do us part.” (It was some years after I first heard those words that I understood them to mean “until death separates us.”) That, of course, can only happen when one of the two dies, since it’s very unlikely to happen to both of them at once.

Otherwise, those lovely vows pretty much cover all the bases: “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” Is there anything important that’s been left out? 

Of course, the possibility of divorce is not even considered. In any case, that is a legal matter, and this is not a matter of law but of something in the emotional realm. It’s not quite religious, although many different religions have their own versions. It seems that the only really appropriate term is “Love” (which I know is part of many of such vows). Two people, who may not yet even know each other very well, are promising to love each other for the rest of their lives. They may very well be “In Love,” which is widely known to be an intense but usually transient emotional experience. (Yes, it happened to me – only once, and I finished up with somebody else.) But there’s no magic formula for turning that into “always.”

No laws that I know of contain the word “Love” – or, for that matter, contain “always” or “forever” – just as you can’t legislate kindness or morality (despite well-meaning attempts, such as the 13-year American experiment with Prohibition).

But the word “Semper,” which is Latin for “Always,” does appear in the mottoes of many places and organizations, including of course the U.S. Marine Corps, with whom it is “Semper Fidelis,” meaning “Always Faithful” (or “Loyal”) and they like to abbreviate it to “Semper Fi.”

Nevertheless, every day, people – usually two parties – are signing legal promises called contracts; and, in the promises, are certain commitments. But one feature of most contracts is the part which specifies just how long the agreement is to last. And often there’s some provision for renewing it, possibly under certain conditions. Otherwise, it just lapses, and the parties are back in what used to be called “a state of nature.”

Discussions along these lines have been historically important, especially when it came to theories regarding the relationship between rulers and the ruled. An idea developed of a “Social Contract” whereby even kings and other “absolute” monarchs really governed only with the implied consent of the “people,” and presumably only for their benefit. When this supposed contract was obviously being violated, then the governed had a right to change the government, by force if necessary. The American Declaration of Independence is clearly based on this principle.

I was personally never very interested in this whole matter of contracts, until I went into business, producing material which was supposedly protected by the laws of Copyright. This meant that, theoretically, I could claim that I owned that material, and had the right to license other people to use it – usually not “always,” but for a certain length of time – and I often gave them the right to renew. This became crucial at one point in my career, when I was dealing with Hallmark, the world’s largest greeting card company. We signed a contract licensing them to use any of my work on a wide variety of products, and they were supposed to pay me a $15,000 advance. But their time ran out, the contract lapsed – no pay, no products. Then, years later, I discovered that they were indeed using some of my epigrams, without even telling me.

It took several lawyers to sort all this out. I did finally get the promised advance, and Hallmark did finally produce some licensed products – just three greeting cards. Here’s what those three messages said:

“If I don’t want to, you can’t make me – but you can always make me want to.”

“Have arms – will hug.”

“How are you doing? And with whom are you doing it?”