Tag archives: funny
Every now and then (daily), a little voice in my head says: “Oh-oh, dude…” This time we were on the Shinkansen, the 200-mile-per-hour Japanese bullet train that is so smooth you could probably give yourself an intricate tattoo without risk of injury. “Ow!” “What are you doing?” Pat asked. I pulled the tip of the […]
“Are you chewing gum?!” Pat asked. “Hai!” I said, using one of the many (three) Japanese words I knew. We were standing next to The Great Buddha of Kamakura “Daibutsu”, the largest outdoor Buddha in Japan. Built in 1252, the 44-foot-tall, 121-ton seated Buddha draws more tourists than the world’s largest ball of saved wire […]
I went through much of my life without being aware of this simple fact: One major problem faced by people all over the world is that of getting bitten in the night. And among the chief culprits, besides insects, or even vampires, are ordinary humans. And the humans are ourselves. Biting and grinding our teeth […]
Maybe you have heard the story of the man who went to see an eminent Viennese psychiatrist complaining that for some reason he felt sad all the time. After some discussion, the doctor said, “Let me suggest, as a first step, that you go to the theater tonight. The great clown Grimaldi is performing here […]
I’m not sure how my bonsai trees talked me into it, but recently I spent $12.49 on something called Fish & Poop. Manufactured in Fresno, the city famous for its tasty raisins, Fish & Poop is listed as “a blend of fish-based nutrients and guano which forms a synergistic matrix that develops a cohesive partnership […]
“Have you seen my glasses?” “Unbelievable. You’re always losing them!” It’s true. I have three pair and some days I can’t find any of them. “Here they are,” Pat said, returning from the back patio. “Those are my reading glasses. I need my distance glasses if I have to go… I mean, because I want […]
I love kids. And fortunately, they seem to like me okay, too. Which is good, because between my wife, Pat and I, we have five children, four grandchildren and one granddog that I love teaching new tricks. “Roll over, no? Sit, no? Shake, no? How about lay there like a lump? Yeah!” And now, I […]
“Hi, Siri.” “What can I help you with?” “How do you say, ‘My name is Ernie…?’” “I don’t. My name is Siri.” “You didn’t let me finish, Siri.” “What can I help you with?” “I need to know how to say my name…” “I found this website with names.” “…In Japanese. We are going to […]
