A Tree-People Weekend

By Ernie Witham   |   May 13, 2025

Many years ago, in a land far, far away (New Hampshire), one of my neighbors told me that the reason his yard was so healthy was that he talked to his plants every day. I laughed. “Do they talk back?” I asked. “Ayup,” he said. I went home, locked the front door, and said to my ficus, laughingly, “feel like a little confab?”

“No,” it said, “but I could really use a drink.” That was the day I gave up prescription nasal spray.

But then, thousands of miles and thousands of weeks later, I took a class through Adult Ed called “The Art of Bonsai.” And at one point when I was having trouble trying to picture the unruly bush on my table becoming anything even remotely resembling art, someone in the class quoted John Naka, the father of American bonsai, who once said: “Listen to the tree, it tells you where it wants to go.”

That’s when I knew I had given up nasal spray for nothing.

Today I have 75 bonsai trees. Every now and then, when someone visits they will ask, “They look so healthy, do you talk to them every day?” I just smile and tell them tales of fertilizers I have known. When they leave, the comments begin. “She was nice.” “She smelled good, too.” “If you say so.” “Oh, look, the rosemary is jealous.” “I could never be jealous of a pine, you smell like a car air freshener.” “Oh yeah!”

“Shh, you guys.” Sometimes I miss the dormant season.

But, now it’s spring, a really busy time in the bonsai garden. Everyone is pushing out new growth. “Ummm.” “Ahhhh.” “Umph.” And it’s also repotting season. Time to pry them out of their old pots. “I can breathe, I can breathe!” Trim off a bunch of roots. “Cut, cut, cut, cut!” Give them new soil. “Finally!” And place them into new pots that I have spent a small fortune on.

“Whataya think?” I ask each tree when I’m done.

“Blue pot? Seriously? And it’s way too big? I’m swimming in this thing.” Maples can be so persnickety sometimes.

“Big pot? Lucky you. Look at this thing he squeezed me into. Plus, it’s round. Who wants to live in a round pot? You just know he’ll keep turning me around backwards. Jeez!”

Sigh. “So, how about you? Are you happy in your new palace?”

“Máng rén mò xiàng!” I had to look this up. It roughly translated into “you are like a blind man touching an elephant and trying to figure out what part of it that was.” Ancient Chinese elms can be way too proverby.

The other reason May is such an important month is that it’s time for the Bonsai Club of Santa Barbara’s two-day annual show. That’s when club members pick out trees to display and/or place on the works-in-progress table. “Pick me! Pick me!” “Over here! I’m ready for the big show.” “Just look at this profile.” Many of us also pick out a few trees to sell. “Wait, what? You’re dumping me? After one bad season… It was the aphids I tell ya!”

It takes weeks of preparation to put on a show. First, we have to find a location. Last year the place we chose decided to dig up their parking lot a week before the show and repave the walking paths. “Slow and easy, huh? I’ve seen you trip and fall a dozen times.” “Yeah, where’s that big guy, I’d feel much better if he was carrying us.” “Wait, is that nasal spray in your pocket?”

But this year, we lucked out. Anthony Ranii joined our club and offered us Montecito Union School for our show. “Montecito! Coolio, you think Oprah might come? Or Harry and Megan?” “What do you care, you won’t be there” “Will so!” “Will not!” “Will so!”

Besides the great location, we also have arranged for some long-time professionals to give demos and a couple of vendors who will be selling trees, pots, and other bonsai-related stuff. “Vendors? Is that why you’re dumping me, to buy a new tree? Look, I’m defoliating. Try and sell me now.”

Hope a lot of you can stop by. I promise the trees will be on their
best behavior.  

 

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